Commentary: Hope during the holiday season
“We were created to do life together, you may have hope that you can give to someone in times of darkness. Beg for hope when you need it and freely lend it out.”
-Liz Bohannon
To me, being hopeful is having a positive outlook during difficult situations and knowing that life is in seasons and each situation is a chapter in our books.
The holiday season is among us and this is a time that people are moving around to get prepared to exchange gifts, making travel arrangements, and spending time with family. Ideally, we find time to reflect on the past year and set goals for the next year that is right around the corner. Not only is this a time to reflect within ourselves but also with our teams. I encourage each of you to be cognizant while preparing for the holiday season with your teams as each person’s experience and perception of the holiday season can be different. We all have friends or family who are very excited and decorated their home for the holidays before Halloween while others may be struggling to find hope and joy.
Take time to check in on one another and provide support when needed. There can be many pressures placed upon people during this time of the year such as physical health issues, financial hardships, and emotional struggles associated with loss or loneliness. As you discuss this with your team, reiterate the helping agencies that are available such as the Chaplain, MFLC, Military OneSource, Mental Health, Primary Care Behavioral Health Program and the Employee Assistance Program.
Some other ways we can provide support to one another is by:
Discussing personal coping strategies. Examples of good coping skills and advice is for people to make time for themselves and practice self-care. This can look and feel different for each person but ideally they are activities that people find relaxing and rejuvenating. Some examples are engaging in exercise, spending time with friends and family that energize you, creating solid problem solving techniques and prioritizing important tasks.
Establish plans for the future and steps to achieve them. A future goal may be a bit daunting for some and the path to get there can be unclear. At times, we have lofty goals that we want to achieve but we do not know how. Early in my career the thought of obtaining my CCAF degree was really intimidating but I had great mentors who helped me navigate small steps to degree completion. Help set realistic timelines and milestones to achieving the goal and encourage your team to lean into available resources.
Promote a help-seeking environment. The definition of help-seeking behavior is defined as any action of energetically seeking help from health care services or from trusted resources in the community. I really like this definition, ideally our work force will employ this definition and we destroy barriers surrounding mental health. This is done by omitting stereotypes about seeking assistance from counselors and bringing the resources into the work place. Ways to do this is to invite a mental health provider on an all-call or Commander’s Call to speak about their services and discussing biases that prevent people from seeking help from our resources. An important leadership quality to me is authenticity. I will never forget one of my prior Commanders that told his organization that he sought out MFLC services for marriage counseling. It took me aback but I really love how he was vulnerable with us and highlighted the fact that life does not discriminate among rank… things happens to all of us and it is OK to seek resources when needed!
Simply being there for a person who is struggling can help them feel less alone. I read about the 90% rule and that is to listen to someone 90% of the time while talking 10% of the time. This is helpful to remember as it provides a safe space to talk about what is on their mind while having someone actively listen. Also, being there for someone does not have to be filled with conversation but instead just the presence of someone to hold space is also helpful. Holding space for someone helps them know they are not alone in a journey but that you are there for them without judgement. Empathy and compassion go a long way while holding space and listening to a person. This can give someone hope for their future in the fact that they were able to confide into someone and to better organize their thoughts. At times, all we need is a trusting ear that allows our thoughts to become words while navigating a situation.
I hope each of you enjoy your much deserved and needed time off with family and friends. Find time to do self-care activities and invest into yourselves. I hope you are able to connect with your teams and create stronger bonds with a sense of connectedness. Throughout the next few weeks, I hope you have quiet space to reflect on this past year while thinking about the possibilities and opportunities that the next year will hold!